Isolating vs. Alone Time

I find social settings emotionally draining.  So much so that I've been diagnosed as having "social phobia" for what that's worth.  On the other hand, isolating myself is also not healthy.  As with anything, striking a balance is the key.

I love the idea of being around people.  I  always want to plan big dinner parties and invite everyone I can think of. I really enjoy cooking for a crowd. Problem is, when the cooking is done and the guests arrive, I want to hide in the bedroom.  Sometimes I actually do hide in the bedroom.  So I try to order my social time in a way that is more manageable and enjoyable.  It seems to work best to have a couple of guests over than to have 10 or 20 people over.  I try to drive my own car to dinner parties and events to make sure I can leave when I'm ready to without inconveniencing my wife.  I try to plan on only spending moderate amounts of time in crowds.

I also try to moderate my family time.  I do this by building "alone" time into my  day.  I really enjoy getting a few minutes in the evening after everyone goes to bed or a few minutes in the morning before everyone wakes up.  I don't always succeed in finding this alone time, but it is important to try.

Time alone, whether around the house or in the hiking in the mountains is so important.  It can be a time for prayer, reflection, meditation, journaling, or reading.  And, of course, sometimes it is just a time to noodle around on the internet.

Taking too much time alone is also not helpful to my recovery from bipolar disorder or addiction.  It's a dangerous place to be...in between my ears. A couple of times recently I have taken my evening alone time to the extreme and stayed up most of the night.  This is so hard on the bipolar in a couple of different ways.  Staying up all night is definitely too much alone time.  Staying up all night is a sign that my bipolar is getting out of control.  And staying up all night tends to induce further symptoms.  It can cause my mood to enter a mixed state.  Negativity, irritability, excitability, and hyperactivity.  It feels like drinking way too much caffeine, without the caffeine.

Speaking of caffeine, in an effort to regain control of my sleep patterns, I recently quit drinking caffeine...again.  I really enjoy a little caffeine, but it never really works out that way.  I always end up drinking too much of it and having trouble sleeping.  We'll see how that goes.  I'm currently still in the withdrawal stage.  Yuck.

Well, blessings and goodnight...I hope.