Caffeine addiction

I quite drinking caffeine five days ago.  It was contributing to my insomnia and fueling my mania.  I have no moral problem with caffeine just as I have no moral problem with alcohol or other drugs.  I just know that I can't have a safe relationship with any of them.  Including caffeine, apparently.  A cup of coffee a day might not have been much of a problem, but staying up all night drinking quarts of iced tea was just like banging myself in the head with a frying pan.

So, in any event, I quit drinking the stuff.  I felt miserable for several long, long days.  I did start sleeping though.  I had headaches, stomach aches, a small fever, and was extremely irritable.  Another difficulty I had with the caffeine withdrawals was that they felt reminiscent to alcohol and drug withdrawals.  This is always a tricky spot for me as my mind likes to play tricks.  I might think, for example, "gee, these are withdrawals.  What is the appropriate response to withdrawal symptoms?  More drugs, of course.  Coffee, alcohol, pills...anything would work just as long as the withdrawal symptoms stop."  What could be more logical, right?  Except that for me it is pretzel logic.  The appropriate answer to withdrawal symptoms is total abstinence from the drug (s) you are addicted to.  And as for me, I happen to be addicted to just about every form of mind or mood altering substance. 

As you might expect, the caffeine withdrawals stopped eventually and I feel quite well.  In fact, I feel better than I did before because I am not staying awake all night feeding the mania machine.  In fact, after a pleasant 8+ hours of sleep last night I feel downright balanced.  Balance is something unusual in my life.  Normal just doesn't quite feel normal. 

Today I am trying to make a new cheese.  Havarti.  It doesn't look imposable but there are certainly a lot of different steps.  I'm making a goat's milk Feta at the same time, but that is pretty routine.  Making cheese seems to be a part of my daily and weekly routine.  And now that that routine doesn't involve quarts of iced tea every day, I feel much more balanced and at peace.  For today, at least, I am neither manic nor depressed, and I am clean and sober off of both caffeine and other even more dangerous substances.  And that makes it a very good day indeed.