That's a fancy term for, "I got off of Paxil and survived." Holy cats that was rough. I've had some wicked alcohol and benzo withdrawals, but getting off of Paxil was by far the worst I've ever experienced.
Paxil, like Prozac, is a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. (SSRI) It is used commonly to treat depression and anxiety. In my case, social anxiety. After discussing the possibility that the Paxil was triggering manic episodes, my doctor and I agreed to try to taper off the drug. Wow.
Nausea, vomiting, dramatic weight loss, loss of appetite, severe dizziness, fainting, mild hallucinations, and my favorite, waves of electric shock travelling down my extremities.
Not only that, it lasted for almost a month. I lost 15 pounds. I slept mostly on the couch because I didn't want to keep my wife and baby up all night.
Not only that, the dehydration caused by the nausea and vomiting spiked my recently increased Lithium levels and I had borderline Lithium toxicity.
Anyway, 6 weeks later I am starting to feel better. I wouldn't say I'm feeling "normal" because I don't even know what normal feels like anymore. I've been on Paxil for almost 15 years and being off of it is extremely emotionally intense.
The new normal is that my emotions are right at the surface. All of them. I'm happy, elated, excited, angry, irritable, sad, confused, all right at the surface. I start crying fifteen times a day. I feel ready to snarl and snap at the kids at the least provocation. But there is a flip side. It is so refreshing to feel so in touch with my emotions again. It feels like I've been comfortably numb for fifteen years. It feels like waking up from a light sleep.
I have a standing order from my psychiatrist to try a newer generation SSRI. She's not pushing the issue, but it is clear that she would recommend it. For today, at least, I'm not ready to start a new drug. I don't seem to be having any clear cut signs of depression. I'm on plenty of other medications that have anti-depressant qualities. I have moments that look a little like depression, but they seem to pass fairly quickly. I'm taking a wait and see attitude and watching to see what the NEW NORMAL looks like.
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