The kitchen is very, very clean...

It's three am.  I've watched a movie, listened to two entire Grateful Dead concerts, and cleaned the kitchen until it shines.  I feel GREAT!  Unfortunately, for folks with bipolar disorder great is a mixed blessing.  Any departure from a baseline mood is likely to create waves for days to come.  Will my mood, as it did two weeks ago, suddenly turn into mania or will I crash into a mild to moderate depression? 

I'm sad about leaving my farm in Idaho.  There is so much I had hoped to do there.  Maybe start a CSA,   continue to sell artisan cheeses at the Farmers Market, or work on selling more hogs.  All those dreams are on hold right now.  Farming has turned from a budding enterprise into a hobby.  A therapeutic hobby to be sure, but that's not really how I envisioned things going.  I'm discouraged.

On the other hand, I'm not discouraged about how many of the other areas of my life are going.  I feel like my recovery and bipolar control are going extremely well.  I rarely think about drinking.  My bipolar symptoms are largely under control despite tonight's hypomania.  My family life is wonderful.  I'm making new friends here in Oregon.  I am so grateful for all that I do have.  I feel truly blessed.  When I'm in a better frame of mind, I get the feeling that we are right where we are supposed to be at this particular moment in time.

When I think about what's really important, I guess I don't have much to complain about.  Now I just have to try to get a little sleep.